Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
