Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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