As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
