I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
