I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
