i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
