I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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