I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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