i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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