oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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