dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
