I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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