oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
