Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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