She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
