Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize