It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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