i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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