i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
