Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
