your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
