There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
