I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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