Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
