Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
