I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
