"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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