...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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