does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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