I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
