drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
