he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
