i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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