dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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