How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
