honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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