can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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