Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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