sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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