Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
