My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
