I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
