dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
