I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
