just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
