she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
