all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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