It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
