tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
