I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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