I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
