I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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