He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
