I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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