every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
