I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone signed my nipple.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
