I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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