today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
