guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
