Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
