I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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