his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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