I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
