I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
