I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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