How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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