My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize