3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
