Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
