I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
