You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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