But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
