Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
