After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
