I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
