fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
