Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
